مشاعر و أحام تائهة..في دوامة الحياة..أرجو مروركم على هذه الخاطرة...

[دمعة حزين]

تائهة أنا...........

أنا تائهة في هذا الكون العظيم..تمر الأعوام كالأيام و تمضي الأيام كومضات البرق لا تفتأ أن تبدأ حتى تنتهي دون أن أفعل شيء له معنى...
في هذا الكون الواسع..أشعرأن حياتي تضيع منّي و عمري يجرّني إلى أجلي قببل أن أتمتع بحياتي كما تتسرب المياه عبر مسامات النسيج دون أن أتمكن من صدّها كما تغيب الشمس و تتجلى أشعّتها فيتهجّم الظلام الحالك على الكون....
لقد إنتصف عمري دون أن أرتكز أو أستقر...لست أدري إن كنت أنا عدوة نفسي فسخطت عليها بطباعي الجامدة التي لا تتقبّل التطوّر و التجديد و طقوسي الغامضة التي اخترعتها أنا..ربما لأعزي و أواسي بها نفسي المنكسرة فابعدها عن الواقع الرهيب..التعيس..المليء بالإحباط و الحزن و الفشل و الصدمات..و أهرب بها و ألقي بها في بحر الخيال..الفانتازيا و الاوهام الكاذبة..هذه طقوسي أنا..أوهامي أنا..أنا التي إخترتها..هي ملك لي وحدي... أشعر فيها بالإرتياح و النشوة و السعادة المثالية التي لا وجود لها في هذا الوجود...آآآآآآآآآه يا خالق الوجود لو تتحقق أحلامي..ثلث هذه الأحلام الوهمية ....رغم أنني لم أحلم فوق ما أستحق..حلمت بكيان قوي..متماسك..شخصية ناجحة..جذابة..بذلت جهدي..درست و ناضلت في سبيل الشهادة ..فتحصلت عليها حيث كانت أول مفتاح أدخل به عالم الإرتقاء و التطوّر..و لكن..؟؟؟وااااااااااا...أسفاه...وااااااااااااااا..ح سرتاه...و كأن وحشا ما أخذ منّي بل إختطف منّي المفتاح و رماه فب أعماق المحيط...فأعادني إلى نقطة الصفر...إلى اللاشيء و رماني في بئر عميق القعر..مهجور المكان..أصرخ بكامل قواي فيرجع صوتي خائبا دون أن يصل إلى أي أذن...لست أدري من السبب في هذا الفشل..
حلمت بشريك يقاسمني خيالي و طقوسي.. وأهامي ..حلمت بأن أحب و أحب..أن أعيش لحظات سعادة و صفاء بعيدا عن الحقد و الحسد و الخوف..حلمت..و حلمت..و حلمت...و لا زلت أحلم..ولكن؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟..دائما أعيد نفس السؤال الذي لم أجد له جوابا ..اللغز الذي لمأجد له حلا..من السبب في فشلي و تعاستي..؟؟؟ ربما إرادتي لم تكن بالحجم المطلوب..أو شيء آخر خارج إرادتي و قدرتي..إنها كلمة جبارة..غامضة..قاس.. ية..غير عادلة..متسلطة..إنها القدر و الحظ الذي يولد مع الإنسان و يموت مع موته:14::14::14::14::14::14:

بقلم..أعز إنسانة...نوال...و ليس بقلمي..

[زمن الوصل]

..الاخ زمن الوصل..حقيقة خاطرة مدوية باسماع الزمن ..كونها نابعة من القلب لا من القلم ..نتلمس فيها مشاعر حقيقية..وحروف ناطقة رغم الالم..ولكن امل وباسم الامل ان نرفع راية الاحلام وان...
فهذه هي الدنيا شئنا ام ابينا ..فهي دار محن وابتلاء وامتحان..فل نتخطها بعزم والا اندثرنا مع رماد ..وبتنا سرابا من عدم..خاطرة تستحق المرور عليها..وشكرا ..جزيل الشكر..دمعة حزين..الاخ زمن الوصل..لي خواطر امل ان تتفضل وان تبدي..اي نقد ..على كل مرحبا..

[دمعة حزين]

شكرا على المرور أخي الكريم...سأمر بكل تأكيد

[the.edge]

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