يامن ملك ذاتي..واسر حياتي....

[روبينا]

عشقت ذاتي لأجلك..اضفت لون الزهر لحياتي لكي اضيف اجمل الالوان لحياتك..
حبيبي..
حبك غمرني..حبك داخلي..حبك داخل قلبي..طريق حبك دربي..
عشقت حبك..واحببت عشقك..واغرمت بك..تصورت مالم يصوره انسان معك..
ألامك احس بأوجاعها..حزنك احس بأهاته..فرحتك احس بسعادتها..
فقد نسجت من حبك ثوبا لأرتديه..ونسجت من غرامك وسادة لأرتاح واحس بالأمان عليها..وحبك كان فرشاتي عند رسم لوحاتي..وجعلت من حبك إمضاء أمضي به بعد جميع كلامي..
وجعلت من صورتك خيالا..يراودني عند دموعي وبسماتي..عندجنوني وهدوئي..عند صحوتي ومنامي..عند عافيتي وألامي..*وكنت أنت موضوعي في كتاباتي*..
ابتعدت عني..مع انك تدرك كم يعذبني هذ البعد..وكم يتعبني ويؤلمني فراقك..وكم يميتني تجاهلك لي..رغم هذا لم أشأان افصح عما يدور في قلبي..أو ان اخبرك عن عمري الذي اساسه حبك..أو عن سكوتي الذي كلامه عنك..او عن صبري الذي اصطبره لأجلك..
هذا أنا..
راحتي تكون براحتك..
ولــــكــــن....
اني احبك..>>>كلمة عشت ايامي عمري في انتظار حروفها..عشت ايامي وانا اتابع سرابها..وكنت احاول الامساك بخيوطها لأسعى لسماعها..
وكان قلبي يسألني دائما لماذا لم تسمعيها من قبل؟؟لم انت في انتظارها؟؟وكانت توجد اسئلة كثيرة ولم استطع الاجابه عليها...
......
وها انا سمعت ماكنت انتظره..واصبح السراب حقيقة..والخيال واقع..
سعدت كثيرا بسماعي هذه الكلمة ولكن لا يمكنني ان ابني سعادتي على سعادة شخص أخر..لذلك اتمنى ان تعذرني...
مع الاسف..رغم حبي وعشقي وغرامي بك..الا انني لا استطيع الاستمرار معك..هذا هو قدرنا.. هذه هي ظروفنا..انه القدر يقف امامنا..
فلانني احبك لا اريد ان اقف امام طريق سعادتك..او اجرح مشاعرك..او ان اجرح مشاعر من تحب..
لطالما احبك فانا احببت من تحب..وادخلت لقلبي من ادخلت لقبك..وتاكد ان سعادتي تكون بسعادتك..
فانني لم استطع الاستمرار معك لانه لم يكن لدي الرصيد الكافي من الحظ الذي يجعلني احظى بك..لان من يريد ان يدخل عالمك او قلبك لابد وان يكون لديه الرصيد الكافي من الحظ..
فان الله تعالى اعطاها هذا الحظ..فانني سعيدة لاجلها ولاجلك..
..
افصح لها عن حبك.. افتح لها قلبك..افتح لها معرضا لازياء حبك..
ودعها تعرض عليك ازياء عشقها لك ثوبا ثوبا..
انها تحبك فلا يمكن ان تمر السنين دون ان تحبك او تغرم بك..
ومن يعرف ربما تكون*فارس احلامها*
يجب عليك ان تجلب لحياتك الوان حبها..حنين عطفها..وغرام عشقها..
دع الشمس تشرق نهارك..والقمر يضيئ ليلك..والنجوم تلمع ببريق حبك..والكواكب تسير لسيرك..

على كل انسان في حياته ان تمر به حالات عديده..وقد مررت بحالات كثيرة..ولكن لم تكن اصعب من حالتي معك.. فهي فريدة من نوعها..وهي((حالة فراق))فلا اقوى عليها ولا على الاستمرار فيها..

ولكن كل ما اتمناه لك هو راحة البال والسعادة والاطمئنان,,لأني احبك..
ولــــكـــن..,,,
في نهاية مشاعري وكلامي أحب أعتذر عن ذنب اقرفته بغير قصد..
فانني((اعتذر لانني احببتك))لانني تعديت على ممتلكات غيري.. واتمنى ان تقبل عذري..
لانني احبك..لن اسمح لك بان تخونها..
واريد منك ان تتاكد من حبي لك..ولكن لا اريد ان اكون انانية في حبك..
فلا ارضى ان اخان..لذلك لا ارضاها لمن احبتك..فلا اريدها ان تتالم..او ان تحس بالعذاب..,,,,,,

,,,,,,نهاية قصة الاحساس بالام وبداية ِألم الاحساس,,,,,ِِِ

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