"أسلوب الاختيار بالعقوبة؟" [الأرشيف] - منتديات الشروق أونلاين

مُسلِمة

26-02-2013, 03:12 PM

السلام عليكم

"أسلوب الاختيار بالعقوبة؟"

هناك قاعدة مهمة في تقويم سلوك الأبناءوهي أنكل مرحلة عمرية لها معاناتها في التأديب، وكلما كبر الطفل احتجنا لأساليب مختلفة في التعامل معه، ولكن سنجد أن "أسلوب اختيار العقوبة" يصلح لجميع الأعمار ونتائجه إيجابية، وقبل أن نعمل بهذا الأسلوب لا بد أن نتأكد إذا كان الطفل جاهلاأم متعمدعند ارتكاب الخطأ حتى يكون التأديب نافع، فلو كان جاهلا أو ارتكب خطأ غير متعمد ففي هذه الحالة لا داعي للتأديب والعقوبة، وإنما يكفي أن ننبهه على خطئه، أما لو كرر الخطأ أو ارتكب خطأ متعمدا ففي هذه الحالة يمكننا أن نؤدبه بأساليب كثيرة، منها؛ الحرمان من الامتيازات، أو الغضب عليه من غير انتقام، أو تشفٍ، أو ضرب.
كما يمكننا استخدام "أسلوب اختيار العقوبة"، وفكرة هذا الأسلوب أن نطلب منه الجلوس وحده فيفكر في ثلاث عقوبات يقترحها علينا مثل:الحرمان من المصروف، أو عدم زيارة صديقه هذا الأسبوع، أو أخذ الهاتف منه لمدة يوم (مع أني لا أرى أن هدا يكفي لأطفالنا)، ونحن نختار واحدة منها لينفذها على نفسه، وفي حالة اختيار ثلاثة عقوبات لا تناسب الوالدين مثل "يذهب للنوم أو يصمت لمدة ساعة أو يرتب غرفته"، ففي هذه الحالة نطلب منه اقتراح ثلاث عقوبات غيرها.

قد لا تشفي هذه العقوبات غليل الأمهات لكن نقول لك أيتها الأم عليك

أن تفرقي بين التأديب والتعذيب، فالهدف من التأديب هو تقويم السلوك وهذا يحتاج إلى صبر، ومتابعة، وحوار، واستمرار في التوجيه، أما أن نصرخ في وجهه أو أن نضربه ضربا شديدا فهذا "تعذيب وليس تأديبا"، إننا عندما نعاقب أبناءنا فإننا لا نعاقبهم بمستوى الخطأ الذي ارتكبوه، وإنما نزيد عليهم في العقوبة لأنها ممزوجة بالغضب، وذلك بسبب كثرة الضغوط علينا فيكون أبناؤنا ضحية توترنا وعصبيتنا من الحياة، ولهذا نحن نندم بعد عقابهم على تعجلنا أو عدم ضبط أعصابنا، وأضيف أمرا مهما وهو أنك أيتها الأم عندما تقولين لابنك اذهب واجلس لوحدك وفكر بثلاث عقوبات لأختار أنا واحدة منها لأنفذها عليك، فإنهذا الموقف هو تأديب في حد ذاته لأن فيه حوارا نفسيا بين المخطئ وهو الطفل وذاته، وهذا تصرف جيد لتقويم السلوك ومراجعة الخطأ الذي ارتكبه وهو وقفة تربوية مؤثرة

فالطفل عندما يختار العقوبة وينفذها فإننا في هذه الحالة نجعل المعركة بين الطفل والخطأ، وليس بينه وبين الوالدين، فنكون قد حافظنا على رابطة المحبة الوالدية، وكذلك نكون قد احترمنا شخصيته وحافظنا على إنسانيته فلم نحقره أو نهينه، ومن يتأمل تأديب الرسول الكريم صلى الله عليه وسلم للمخطئين يجد أنه مع التأديب يحترمهم ويقدرهم ولا يقبل بإهانتهم، وقصة المرأة الغامدية التي زنت وطبِق عليها الحد فشتمها أحد الصحابة، فقال له رسول الله: «إنها تابت توبة لو وزعت على أهل المدينة لوسعتهم»، فنظرة الاحترام للمخطئ باقية طالما أنّه سار في برنامج التأديب

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