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-   English Board (http://montada.echoroukonline.com/forumdisplay.php?f=102)
-   -   English Jokes (http://montada.echoroukonline.com/showthread.php?t=84422)

Redeem 20-03-2012 02:35 PM
Re: English Jokes
 
One day, Djoha’s wife baked his favorite dessert. They ate most of it and saved the rest for breakfast.
That night, Djoha couldn’t fall asleep. He woke up his wife and said: “wake up, wakeup! I have something to tell you”
While his sleepy wife was trying to get up, Djoha rushed to the kitchen, brought the left over dessert and told his wife: “let’s finish this. It’s better to have it in our stomach than in our mind”

Redeem 20-03-2012 02:37 PM
Re: English Jokes
 
During a conversation with Tamerlane, Hodja started bragging about his donkey.
"It is so smart that I can teach it even how to read, "he said.
"Then go ahead and teach it reading. I give you 3 months.," Tamerlane ordered.
Hodja went home and began to train his donkey. He put its feed between the pages of a big book and taught it to turn the pages by its tongue to find its feed. Three days before the three month period was over, he stopped feeding it.
When he took his donkey to Tamerlane, he asked for a big book and put it in front of the donkey. The hungry animal turned the pages of the book one by one with its tongue and when it couldn't find any feed between the pages it started braying.
Tamerlane watched the donkey closely and then said,
"This is sure a strange way of reading!"
Hodja remarked,
"But this is how a donkey reads."

Redeem 11-05-2012 07:45 PM
Re: English Jokes
 
A cow and a chicken was having a discussion about what they should have for breakfast. The chicken quickly blurted out, “steak and eggs!” The cow had a disappointed look upon his face, so the chicken asked him: “What’s the matter?” The cow answered, “for you its a contribution to the breakfast but for me its a full commitment!:2:”

Redeem 11-05-2012 07:51 PM
Re: English Jokes
 
A cow and a chicken was having a discussion about what they should have for breakfast. The chicken quickly blurted out, “steak and eggs!” The cow had a disappointed look upon his face, so the chicken asked him: “What’s the matter?” The cow answered, “for you its a contribution to the breakfast but for me its a full commitment!:2:”

Redeem 18-06-2012 06:10 PM
رد: English Jokes
 
!When Opportunity knocks.... MAKE USE OF IT


.A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands their money

Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, 'Did you see me rob this bank
The man replied, 'Yes sir, I did.'
The robber then shot him in the temple , killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, 'Did you see me rob this bank?'

The man replied, 'No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!'

أميرة الحب 28-08-2012 04:16 PM
رد: English Jokes
 
اقتباس:
المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة Redeem (المشاركة 625054)
Peace be upon you,

I started a thread about jokes, but they already closed it so I decide to open a new thread. This time I'll share some hilarious jokes....Enjoy:)
Joke:
Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.

One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."

A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"

Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."clap
hhhhhhhhhh poor fred
thanks

khalil. 28-08-2012 05:22 PM
رد: English Jokes
 
http://www.graphicsgrotto.com/clipar...cthankyou1.jpg

أميرة الحب 01-09-2012 06:12 PM
رد: Re: رد: English Jokes
 
اقتباس:
المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة Redeem (المشاركة 631801)
Here's another one:=)

Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they were exhausted and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" Holmes said Watson pondered for a minute.

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that The lord is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have, a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot, Some ——- has stolen our tent."قـهـقـهـة
ooooooooooh hahahaha
realy wonerfull
because he makes every thing seems complex and the question was so easy
thank you

أميرة الحب 01-09-2012 06:16 PM
رد: Re: رد: English Jokes
 
اقتباس:
المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة Redeem (المشاركة 632280)

Men Should Listen


A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!!"

The man immediately leans out his window and replies, "IDIOT!!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.
he shouuuuuuuuuuuuuld listen
thanx

أميرة الحب 01-09-2012 06:18 PM
رد: Re: English Jokes
 
اقتباس:
المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة Redeem (المشاركة 632803)
HOW TO MAKE A MAN & WOMAN HAPPY??

How to make a man and woman happy ?

To make a woman happy ….. A man only needs to be:

1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO :

44. Give her compliments regularly
45. Love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

53. Never to forget:
* Birthdays
* Anniversaries
* Arrangements she makes

&

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:

1. Leave him aloneclap
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

فارس السراب 05-09-2012 04:07 PM
رد: English Jokes
 
ROFL
nice jokes ....really

bousaadian girl 07-10-2012 07:58 PM
رد: English Jokes
 
u made me smile
so thnx
nice joke

زعيمة جوجو * 28 08-10-2012 04:35 PM
رد: English Jokes
 
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
very funny .. thank you

Redeem 02-11-2012 02:07 PM
رد: English Jokes
 
Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan
.Operator : Yes, you can speak to me

Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan
Operator : Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this

Caller : I am Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent
Operator : I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about

.Caller : Well.. just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital

!Operator : Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this

Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?

.Operator : I'm Saw Ree

Caller : Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
Operator : That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree

أميرة الحب 24-11-2012 10:16 AM
رد: English Jokes
 
اقتباس:
المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة Redeem (المشاركة 1481971)
Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan
.Operator : Yes, you can speak to me

Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan
Operator : Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this

Caller : I am Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent
Operator : I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about

.Caller : Well.. just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital

!Operator : Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this

Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?

.Operator : I'm Saw Ree

Caller : Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
Operator : That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
great
thanks sis

HADIL ROSA 29-11-2012 06:35 AM
رد: English Jokes
 
nice jokes i like it hhhhhhhhh :7::7::7:

أميرة الحب 30-11-2012 02:12 PM
رد: Re: English Jokes
 
اقتباس:
المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة Redeem (المشاركة 1299023)
A little girl asked her mother, “How did the human race appear?”

The mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.”
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.”
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, “Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?”
The mother answered, “Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.”

ohhhhh realy lpeopole are diffrent
thank youuu

أبوصلاح الدين 26-01-2013 09:43 PM
رد: English Jokes
 
Thanks for this wonderful subject
I remember a joke
Un Algerian very samet saw someone selling zlabya
Every day asks the seller of zlabya the same question
Do you have kontar (100kg) of zlabya
The seller was very astonished and one day prepar kontar of zlabya
When he sakes him the seller was very happy and said
Yes.i have
Imagine what was the next question
How will you sell it

Redeem 05-06-2013 06:34 PM
رد: English Jokes
 
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what

Redeem 05-06-2013 06:42 PM
رد: English Jokes
 
A dentist’s phone rang. The lady on the other end was very angry. “You charged $40 to take out my little boy’s tooth.” – she cried. “Isn’t it $10 anymore?”
“Yes,” said the dentist, “but your son screamed so loud, he scared three patients out of my waiting room!”

rabehrafik 05-07-2013 10:27 AM
رد: English Jokes
 
?" JACK: "Would you punish me for something I didn't do
" TEACHER:" Of course not
." JACK: "Good, because I haven't done my homework

kenza34 04-08-2013 10:34 PM
رد: English Jokes
 
thanks
i like the first one

همس الخجل 06-08-2013 08:27 PM
رد: English Jokes
 
thank you so much


الساعة الآن 08:18 AM.
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