English Jokes - الصفحة 5 - منتديات الشروق أونلاين

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Redeem

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Re: English Jokes

20-03-2012, 02:35 PM

One day, Djoha’s wife baked his favorite dessert. They ate most of it and saved the rest for breakfast.

That night, Djoha couldn’t fall asleep. He woke up his wife and said: “wake up, wakeup! I have something to tell you”

While his sleepy wife was trying to get up, Djoha rushed to the kitchen, brought the left over dessert and told his wife: “let’s finish this. It’s better to have it in our stomach than in our mind”

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من مواضيعي 0 لغتهم مهددة
0 سان بيدرا......حيث للمخدرات سلطان
0 لا تحملوا القرآن ما لا يحتمل
0 ?Why does Allah allow suffering and evil in the world
0 من سوريا
0 A Piece of Advice I will Never Forget

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Redeem

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Re: English Jokes

20-03-2012, 02:37 PM

During a conversation with Tamerlane, Hodja started bragging about his donkey.
"It is so smart that I can teach it even how to read, "he said.
"Then go ahead and teach it reading. I give you 3 months.," Tamerlane ordered.
Hodja went home and began to train his donkey. He put its feed between the pages of a big book and taught it to turn the pages by its tongue to find its feed. Three days before the three month period was over, he stopped feeding it.
When he took his donkey to Tamerlane, he asked for a big book and put it in front of the donkey. The hungry animal turned the pages of the book one by one with its tongue and when it couldn't find any feed between the pages it started braying.
Tamerlane watched the donkey closely and then said,
"This is sure a strange way of reading!"
Hodja remarked,
"But this is how a donkey reads."

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Re: English Jokes

11-05-2012, 07:45 PM

A cow and a chicken was having a discussion about what they should have for breakfast. The chicken quickly blurted out, “steak and eggs!” The cow had a disappointed look upon his face, so the chicken asked him: “What’s the matter?” The cow answered, “for you its a contribution to the breakfast but for me its a full commitment!:2:”

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Re: English Jokes

11-05-2012, 07:51 PM

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Redeem

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رد: English Jokes

18-06-2012, 06:10 PM

!When Opportunity knocks.... MAKE USE OF IT

.A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands their money

Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, 'Did you see me rob this bank
The man replied, 'Yes sir, I did.'
The robber then shot him in the temple , killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, 'Did you see me rob this bank?'

The man replied, 'No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!'

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رد: English Jokes

28-08-2012, 04:16 PM

اقتباس:

المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة Redeem

Peace be upon you,

I started a thread about jokes, but they already closed it so I decide to open a new thread. This time I'll share some hilarious jokes....Enjoy:)
Joke:
Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.

One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."

A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"

Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."clap

hhhhhhhhhh poor fred
thanks

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من مواضيعي 0 ...ان علمت ليلة القدر.....
0 our ramadan
0 faith is ــــ.............
0 the chosen one ..maher zain.
0 the number one for me
0 Don't give up this is ramadan...

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khalil.

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khalil.

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رد: English Jokes

28-08-2012, 05:22 PM

لا يفهمونني ...

ليس لـصعوبتي !

بل لـأني أكثر بسآطة ممآ [يتوقعون]~ !

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من مواضيعي 0 حياتي التعيسة . . .
0 الفقــدان . . .
0 الوحدة القاسية
0 الوحدة القاسية
0 الوحدة القاسية
0 وماذا تقول انت:...

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ملف العضو
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أميرة الحب

شروقي

تاريخ التسجيل : 20-05-2009
الدولة : within every heart ..knows love
العمر : 33
المشاركات : 1,676
معدل تقييم المستوى :
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أميرة الحب

شروقي

رد: Re: رد: English Jokes

01-09-2012, 06:12 PM

اقتباس:

المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة Redeem

Here's another one:=)

Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they were exhausted and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" Holmes said Watson pondered for a minute.

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that The lord is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have, a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot, Some ——- has stolen our tent."قـهـقـهـة

ooooooooooh hahahaha
realy wonerfull
because he makes every thing seems complex and the question was so easy
thank you

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ملف العضو
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أميرة الحب

شروقي

تاريخ التسجيل : 20-05-2009
الدولة : within every heart ..knows love
العمر : 33
المشاركات : 1,676
معدل تقييم المستوى :
19

أميرة الحب

شروقي

رد: Re: رد: English Jokes

01-09-2012, 06:16 PM

اقتباس:

المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة Redeem

Men Should Listen

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!!"

The man immediately leans out his window and replies, "IDIOT!!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

he shouuuuuuuuuuuuuld listen
thanx

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ملف العضو
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أميرة الحب

شروقي

تاريخ التسجيل : 20-05-2009
الدولة : within every heart ..knows love
العمر : 33
المشاركات : 1,676
معدل تقييم المستوى :
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أميرة الحب

شروقي

رد: Re: English Jokes

01-09-2012, 06:18 PM

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المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة Redeem

HOW TO MAKE A MAN & WOMAN HAPPY??

How to make a man and woman happy ?

To make a woman happy ….. A man only needs to be:

1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO :

44. Give her compliments regularly
45. Love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

53. Never to forget:
* Birthdays
* Anniversaries
* Arrangements she makes

&

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:

1. Leave him aloneclap

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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